Christina Update #16: Poops, Pinball, and a Motorcycle

Thus far, most of what I have posted about Christina I got through stealth. She writes me random stuff at random times about her day and her life, not thinking I will use any of it in a blog. Then, when I’m ready to write something about her, I capture bits and pieces of the most recent messages and massage them into a vignette. This is what you have been seeing.

This time, I asked her to write. She forgot, and then she remembered, and then she forgot … so what follows is mostly unfiltered Christina, as usual, but with encouragement to just keep writing. And as usual, I find her words both heartbreaking and wickedly funny.

For the back story, see the previous blogs.

Update: It appears that she will be stuck in NH in her parents’ house all winter after all. Her ancient car finally died – kinda terrifying, given that she needs some means of escaping her captivity – and so she is now attempting to resurrect an even older van. Driving is not easy in her condition, but it’s her lifeline to the outer world.

Determined to develop a social life in NH beyond her family and her one close friend, who is very busy, Christina has been delving into the world of online dating. Her first experience, now in the fizzling-out stage, has been with a man I will call L. Currently she is getting curious about another man, M.

While you read this, keep in mind that she’s broke with no income, her parents’ resources are extremely limited, and our donations mean the world to her. So if you feel moved, go ahead and contribute. Options are in the original post. Or just send her good wishes and prayers. It all helps more than you might imagine.

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Sooo I got brave and met up with a guy I've been talking to but was unsure if I was really done with L. We date but we aren't bf and gf and he's so busy. Blah blah.

This guy is 50. Blue eyes. Lil cute belly. Kinda short. But strong ex-marine, 3 kids, grown. Lives very close. I was hesitant for a guy from this area but he is funny, polite. Yet street enough for me. We seem similar. L has no street in him ...

So M seems very kind. Respectful. Wanted to meet my parents. I checked him on fb and his 6 mutual friends are good people I know or used to know so I said F it, let’s give this guy a chance.

So I finally agreed to not cancel for pain, and because of my decision with L, who I haven't seen in a month.

And ya, good energy. I like it so far. Mature. Not some fkn 10, but has confidence, which I love, and blue eyes with a brown dot. I kinda like his extra lil pudge. Seems cozy lol.

He’s been looking for someone honest, no drama. Wants to find his best friend and love her to death. He said something else very sweet and I forgot. Blunt but romantic. Very chivalrous. Going to watch a movie and cuddle. I explained that atm, that's all I can do – I can snuggle. And he's down. Sooo … wanted to share my slight, uh, happiness and excitement but trying not to get ahead of myself.

But was fun to talk to him. I did my gentle Scorpio pokes and explained myself. My humor. My big distrust. Buuuut my loyalty and big heart and desire to find someone looking for their person. And uh ya extra blunt and a bit weird to see how he took it ... he loved what I said. Ya I'm fkn awesome but weird – got a lot of shit going on and a half-Mexi lol.

I’m glad you are giving this sweet-sounding man a chance.

Has nice eyes. Likes sunrises and taking pictures. Works as a machinist making disc pieces for the lower back. Has pain in shoulder. He's 8 min away, haha.

K. Here goes movie snuggle time!

***

And today has been so horrible. Nothing is helping. The pain in my mid-lower back went from a high 8 to a fkn off the charts 12. I can’t even sit up in bed with a pillow.

It's like 6 big issues in my body at once. I fell and then Ollie knocked me over. My van door got jammed and I hurt myself worse lol. And then it was another sudden stomach death episode and I passed out twice and fell off the toilet. My mom thinks it was three lbs worth. Instantly the worst pain then bam. Sweating like I've been in a sauna and passing out.

It's like birth contractions. It just keeps happening. But instead of a kid it's poo. The only break I get is once something comes out. But then it right back to the death pain and passing out. I feel the color leaving me. It's like my body is possessed.

And. I didn't see it coming! I actually had a small bm yesterday and was happy.

Would you be willing to let me post about this? It’s weirdly interesting. And it’s your life.

About poop? Really? It is weird. But lol.

I had to be carried back to the bed after. Had nothing. Couldn't sip my water. My mom hands me a bottle of water and I just have limp wrist and drop it. Fkn awful and embarrassing.

I've been dealing with serious migraine and back pain. Burnt my lips on food and then got to go in a hot tub and wasn't strong enough to walk in alone and fell lol. And burned my hands and then scraped my knees and shins. I went into the damn thing specifically thinking it would help my pain.

I chose that over meeting M. I said well, I'm dying here but if I go in this hot tub, there's a chance it'll help, enough to see u for a half an hour or something. So I chose a hot tub and ended up hurting many parts.

Aaand I used a new razor on my legs and other parts lol. And forgot I have EDS and just shaved, so maybeee hot water would be not smart and ya. I fell cuz of weakness but also, it felt like I put my legs in acid and I couldn't get out quick enough. I burnt and scraped my hands as I had to push up on my stomach and drag myself on the dang concrete. Idk why they don't make it comfy. Maybe it'd melt. But basically scratchy brick around the hot tub.

I'm so burnt out girl.

Metaphorically and literally.

I had to let M be a gentleman and drive and he knows it hurts and I was hurting but I don't like other ppl driving. I don't trust them. And I like to drive.

He was doing small swerves and did a cpl quick turns and hurt my neck and I was getting really upset and just wanted to fkn drive and maybe be distracted by it and happy. But he refused. So I was tense and he wanted me to put my neck back but I had to see ahead.

He said, I think u gotta let go of control here.

I said I hear u but my neck is a big deal. I always drive. He doesn't understand how sensitive it is. And it's def getting worse.

We went past an arcade and I said, u play. I'd love to watch. So we stopped and ya I couldn't do any of them and then we see a pinball machine and I just yelled, Wait wait! My fingers still work. I can do that one! Yessaaa …

Haha. He laughed and said I'll do this side. So then there was credit left and we played for free and were good as a team. I'm like, I haven't played this for years but I'm still smart and my fingers are fast this way so I didn't miss any shots.

I also said, fix your motorcycle. I've been wanting a ride from a person that's not a psychopath or an asshole. Plz, really.

And he said, hmm … that is motivation right there. It is winter but I'd love to have u on the back. I think you would be a good rider. Most girls aren't and it annoys men cuz u almost tip over every turn.

But I do know how to be on the back and ya, I wish it wasn't winter.

If he gets an apartment, might be something there. Maybe not, but I'd take friendship. L got super weird the other day and I haven't talked to him. But I'm over it. He doesn't know what he wants at all. I do. And it's not gonna be him lol.

***

My van just got back on the road. It should’ve not passed inspection. The tires need to be changed but I got the sticker.

***

My van is out of gas and a big snow storm so kinda stuck here. Plus, my driver's window went down and stayed. Soo that was a very cold ride home last night.

Ya. I’m screwed. That's hundreds. Plus my drive button on the dash is blinking. If that's transmission, I’m screwed.

***

Two weeks later. The relationship with Mike has turned out to be a dumpster fire. Christina is back to cold and lonely, and feeling even worse about her life than before. It seems that rural NH is not a great place to meet potential partners. Sigh …………….