Christina Update #15: Ollie

Me: Six weeks ago, I predicted that Christina would have to return Ollie, her adopted pup. He’s energetic and needs lots of attention and I doubted that Christina could manage. I’m happy to say that I was wrong. While the situation isn’t perfect, the bond seems worth the pain.

Christina: Ollie's six months old now, super sweet. He's not play biting or pulling on clothes anymore. Listens. Very smart.

It finally stopped raining so I brought him to the dog park. Got a little wild and stressful in there but he held his own. I was holding my breath and watching like a hawk, as there are never any puppies or small dogs there.

But he had fun. He got dirty like omg. So I gave him a shower and totally busted my body doing that. I had to like collapse on the floor and drop my neck on my shoulder. Sucked. I couldn't stand or lift my head. Was drying him with the blow-dryer just curled in a ball and my wrist just going back and forth.

Now Ollie's clean and I'm in bed. Waiting for my meds to work. At least Ollie didn't get hurt.  When this big dog was playing with him and jumping, Ollie was smart and would close his eyes when the dog’s feet were about to get him in the face. Was glad to see that.

Although Ollie helps to distract Christina from her pain, he sometimes contributes to it.

When the family was together I wasn't watching and had Ollie’s leash in one hand and was looking the other direction and my dad came around the corner and Ollie went to go to him forgetting I had his leash and wow. Took my shoulder out and I tipped over on my stomach. I was sitting in the grass and then knocked and dragged sideways. I'm not mad lol. Just hurting.

And so the sadness and despair return.

I don't get it. I didn't ask to be born with these shit genetics that gave me EDS. I just want to shut down and be done. My doctor thinks I'd benefit from IV treatment of ketamine for depression and anxiety, but it's 500 bucks.

As I said in the previous post, I’m hoping Christina can escape NH for at least part of the winter. There is a bit of hope.

My aunt is visiting from South Carolina. I hadn't seen her in 15 years. She's awesome. She invited me to visit for a few weeks. Have to think about it. Just cuz of Ollie.

She asked me what I do. In front of everyone haha and they all stopped talking to look at me. I did my best and didn't burst out crying like I felt. And just smiled and pointed to Ollie.

So ya, gonna talk with her about escaping for a bit. Just a bit pricey to have Ollie down below on the plane. Too bad he isn't tiny. Would help a lot of things but, too bad, no.

I so hope this can happen …